Relationships are like buildings. Some are built to last, while some would only last a short while depending on the active players, and the happenstance of life. As important as a building is, nobody would joke with the design and the construction period.
Why do relationships fail, even marriages of more than one or two decades? This is a good question to ask yourself so you can secure your relationship from falling. When people are ignorant of the major phase of a love relationship, they would leave their relationship to fate, and something negative would eventually happen.
However, there are 3 major phases of a relationship you must never forget and you must ensure that you secure yours from ruin. What are these phases?
1. The Start
The beginning of every love relationship is most times rosy, romantic, and a rollercoaster ride that leaves a lasting impression in the lives of the parties involved in it.
Many build the start of their relationship on lies, pretense, fantasy, deceit, and immorality with the hope that it would survive the test of time. As beautiful as an architectural design may be, a structural engineer is more concerned with the foundation than the aesthetics of the building.
How did you get into your relationship? Was it built on love, God, mutual conviction, and the fear of God; or it was built on lust, mutual chemistry, confusion, uncertainty, doubt, trial, and error?
Never start your relationship when the necessary things are not in place. It is not enough to allow age, pressure, desperation, or the boredom of the single life to push you into starting a relationship on the wrong foundation.
The beginning of your relationship is the foundation. If your relationship would be long-lasting, how you met, where you met, who, and what brought you together is equally important; likewise the principles and the person you involve.
How did you start your relationship?
It’s not enough to start on the premise of, “God said,” as good as it is, it must be mutual, and the person you’re in a relationship with must have the capacity to build with you.
Ladies, hear me well, don’t say yes to a man who doesn’t have the capacity to protect you in marriage. You’re a builder, and the man you marry can either protect or frustrate you in marriage.
A man’s ability to protect you has nothing to do with his physical appearance, personality impression, financial worth, spiritual charisma, material possession, or social status. It has more to do with the strength of his character, what drives him, and the cause he lives for.
Be careful of how you start and what prompted you to start your relationship. It’s important, never joke with it.
2. Sustaining Period
As a building professional, I realized that it is not the amount of money you spend building a house that matters, the major thing that keeps a building standing aside from the foundation is maintenance.
There are many abandoned completed buildings that are no longer habitable because it was not maintained. Similarly, many relationships have failed or crashed because they can no longer be sustained or something went wrong with the foundation.
A relationship does not and cannot maintain itself, the parties involved must mutually play their roles. Many spend so much on their wedding day, but they leave their marriage to be decided by fate, circumstances, and people.
Sustaining a relationship is more difficult than starting it. To sustain your relationship, there are things you must do frequently, and periodically. By much slothfulness, a building decays, and a relationship that is not sustained cannot last.
To sustain your relationship, a man and his wife must equally fulfill their roles and responsibilities. A wise woman builds her house, and a wise husband must protect the builder.
There are quality checks to carry out in your relationship in terms of the level of effective communication, understanding, agreement, love, and support you mutually enjoy. If you don’t sustain your relationship, it’s heading for the rocks, however, sustaining a relationship must be exclusively mutual.
Meanwhile, your ability to mutually sustain your relationship determines its duration. The day you quit playing your part is the day separation comes before it gravitates towards physical separation (divorce).
3. The End
Many who started their relationship never pray to see its end. However, the truth is that the forces that contend with a relationship to see it fail are greater than the force that wants it to stick.
Why do you think most relationship ends unexpectedly?
The reason isn’t farfetched. A bad start or foundation cannot guarantee a long-lasting relationship when the challenges of life come. More so, when you fail to sustain or maintain your relationship, it would surely end.
Never forget this, relationships don’t run on autopilot; those involved must mutually play their roles to drive it forward and see to it that it works.
The only way a relationship can end is when a partner dies or when there’s a major threat to life. Cases such as divorce, separation, infidelity, spousal abuse, and the likes should not end a relationship provided the parties involved laid a good foundation for their relationship, and they build together.
At what phase are you in your relationship? Ensure you have a good start so it won’t affect your marital journey. And if your marital journey has begun, ensure you both do the right things that would sustain it. However, if it’s gravitating towards the end, you can recall it provided you and your partner wants to make it work.
Don’t be excited to start a relationship. Build it on the right foundation, and mutually sustain it with your partner to avoid an abrupt end.