A lot of young guys and ladies who ought to seek a life of purpose, now go after having a boyfriend, or girlfriend at the detriment of their future without striving hard to build values in themselves that would make them a great spouse in marriage.
Shannon L. Alder, a bestselling author asserts that “Chasing a person doesn’t give you value or build values in you. You earn your value by chasing morality and practicing dignity.” And that’s nothing but the truth.
There’s no amount of boyfriend, or girlfriend you can have that’ll make you a blessing to your future spouse if you don’t pursue the right thing. Unfortunately, when some eventually marry, they’d discover that marriage is more than what they thought they knew from their past relationship experience.
Do you want to have a great marriage? Do you want to be a blessing to your future spouse? If your answer is yes, then pursue these 7 things with all doggedness and avoid distraction by all means.
1. Mental maturity
Be mentally sound. If you say knowledge is expensive, then try ignorance. You should develop your mental life before you desire a relationship rather than to be in a relationship and be silly.
Why do many ladies fall victim to bad boys? Why will some ladies have the effrontery to play smart on some men’s intelligence? Don’t think too far; their level of “mumuism” can’t match up with the craftiness that fooled them.
You can’t know how men or women behave by going into a relationship as a novice; equip yourself with knowledge, not by bitter experience, but through godly wisdom.
You’d have heard people say that relationships aren’t for boys and girls, it’s for those who are mentally sound. You can be 28 or 35 and still behave like a child. Read good books. Seek godly advice so you can be bailed out of ignorance.
2. Emotional stability
I’m always surprised to hear how many fall in and out of love because they’re emotionally unstable. See, love isn’t something you dabble in, you must be emotionally sound to be in a relationship.
If a man can still lure you to bed through manipulation or a lady can still bamboozle you, then you’re a weakling.
Emotional stability is your ability to make an informed decision without allowing your emotions to cloud your sense of judgment.
It’s amazing how many cannot control their emotions, especially the negative ones and would allow it to destroy their life or relationship.
One of the major ways to be emotionally stable is to be self-controlled, and you can’t be stable to a large extent if you’re not Spirit-controlled. If you feel like having sex or vent your anger on others, can you control your feelings or you’d be slaves to it?
3. Spiritual stamina and knowing God
The single life isn’t the time to chase vanities or sow wild oats, it’s a time to ensure that you build spiritual muscles for the journey of life that’s ahead of you.
Why waste away in an immoral relationship when you can use that same time and energy to know God? Knowing God makes you strong and do exploits in life.
Mind you, that you frequent church activities do not imply that you know God. Those who know Him have accepted Jesus as their Lord and Savior, and they have an intimate relationship with the Holy Spirit.
More so, it is in the process of knowing God that you build spiritual muscles to overcome life’s challenges. I’m sure you know that some issues in life are way beyond physical, emotional, financial, or medical; but those who are spiritually intelligent would know how to discern and surmount life’s challenges.
It is the God you know that’d help you to identify the right or wrong person. What dating Peter or Priscilla cannot do for you, knowing God would reveal it to you.
4. Financial Independence
Another crucial thing you must strive to attain now that you’re still single is financial freedom, and this is dependent on how much knowledge you have financially.
Don’t wish to marry a rich man or woman, be the rich person others would wish to marry.
The 3M’s to financial independence are: make money, manage and multiply it – in a legit and godly way.
Why depend on people for money or allow this entitlement mentality to limit you when you can think creatively, or learn a skill to make money? Save your money. Budget your spending. It is financial ignorance to buy what you don’t need, or to be covetous; don’t live above your means live below it – it’s not penury to do so, it’s financial wisdom.
Singles who do not pursue financial independence would become a liability in marriage. There are profitable skills to acquire. Develop your talent and be diligent. If everyone won’t be rich in life, choose not to be among the poor ones.
5. Have a roof over your head
It’s good to have wealthy parents who can provide shelter for you, but it’s best to also have shelter over your head where you can fend for yourself before marriage.
Paying bills won’t be a problem in marriage when you’re used to doing that when you were living alone. There’s a sense of independence you have when you have shelter over your head than squatting with a friend and be planning for marriage or chase after an immoral relationship.
7. Purpose discovery and its fulfillment
Apart from knowing God, and building your spiritual stamina, the pursuit of your purpose discovery and it’s fulfillment is key to maximizing your single life.
If you don’t pursue God to know why He created you, you’ll end up going after pleasure, and its aftermath is destruction.
Who will break your heart or deflower you when you’re sold out to God? How can a man be pressing your breast or you’re having a sleepless night because of a lady when you’re busy fulfilling your divine purpose?
Purpose discovery makes you know the main thing of what life is worth living for, however, its fulfillment gives you a satisfaction that your career or relationship can’t give.
God created you for a purpose – discover it; but if you don’t, men and women will use you for their selfish purpose.
7. Understand Marriage and its timing
Why do people cheat or divorce in marriage? The reason is that they have the wrong understanding of marriage.
It is what you understood about marriage that determines your behavior in it. You can’t have a heaven on earth marriage when your perception is configured to your traditional or cultural values.
Having a boyfriend or girlfriend relationship can’t give you the right understanding of marriage. Marriage is more honorable and valuable than the immoral relationship many pursue.
Don’t believe the lies that marriage is a scam or a necessary evil. It is the understanding many had that made them scammed or become a victim of evil in marriage.
The best place to acquire the right understanding of marriage is in the Bible, not in Telemundo or movies. You can’t have a successful marriage when your mentality about it is wrong, or archaic.
Meanwhile, you have to bear this in mind, everyone won’t be married at age 22, 27, or at 30 something. There’s man’s timing and there is God’s time. If you choose your time above His or enter into marriage at the wrong time, you’ll bear the consequences.
There’s a time when it is good that you should be alone and a time would come when it’s not good for you to be alone. Don’t go into marriage because of pressure or intimidation. You shouldn’t be married when a lot of things aren’t established in your life.
Being single isn’t a disease, neither is it a time to waste your life on the pursuit of vanities or frivolities. Be sound mentally. Be stable emotionally. Strive to be financially independent and gain weight spiritually. Dating John or Janet doesn’t make your life count, know why He created you and fulfill it.