What’s intimacy?
First, from pronouncing the word, it sounds “in-tee-may-see.” To draw a cue from that, it means to be in a thing with the probability of seeing. A marital relationship is such a union that allows a man and his wife to see and know each other as they seek to be one.
Jennifer Kogan, a marriage therapist, asserts that intimacy is a process whereby we feel truly seen, known, and connected to our partner. And I would further add that there should be no shame in the process as the Holy Bible asserts that they were naked and unashamed.
There are several types of intimacy: physical (or sexual), emotional, spiritual, mental, and financial. Many couples are physically intimate but there’s no connection between them in the real sense of it. That you’re living together as husband and wife does not mean you’re intimate if you don’t follow the processes that would enhance it.
Meanwhile, doing things together as couples would be a chore when the basics of intimacy are missing. For instance, a man and his wife may share the same roof but they’re miles away from each other emotionally or spiritually. However, if intimacy is to be achieved, it takes the mutual efforts of spouses who are willing to follow the processes involved.
Do you want to deepen the bond between you and your spouse? Take note of the following things that would enhance it.
1. Trus
Showing your spouse that you’re trustworthy can help them feel closer to you and this enhances intimacy. If you don’t trust your spouse or they distrust you, it’ll be difficult for them to open up to you.
Are you trustworthy?
When trust is broken, like a crumpled piece of paper, it would be difficult to straighten out; even if you try, it would never remain the same. As much as you can, avoid anything that would affect trust in your marriage.
Be trustworthy sexually, emotionally, financially, and in areas that could affect your marital union. Stay away from any relationship or thing that would make your spouse distrust you.
2. Acceptance
Intimacy would be possible when having opened up your past, present, or fears, you know that you’d be safe and accepted.
Acceptance is the key to a mature marriage, but rejection ruins intimacy. It doesn’t mean you’d endorse everything your partner does, it simply means you do not question their self-worth or judge their personalities.
The highest level of happiness in marriage happens when there’s mutual acceptance of who each other is, without pretense or rejection.
However, one of the keys to acceptance is to reject unrealistic expectations. An accepted partner would easily bond since it’s a fertile ground for change.
3. Honesty
The simplest definition of honesty is described in the Gospel of Matthew: let your yes be yes and your no be no, in words and deed.
It would be assuring when your spouse finds out that you walk your talk. But in a situation where there’s no correlation in what you say and do, dishonesty would impede intimacy.
However, when you get to the point where you can completely open up to your partner without feeling judged or condemned, then you’d grow closer. Intimacy and honesty are inseparable; because if your spouse knows they can be honest with you, you’d bond easily.
Be honest in your dealings with each other because a dishonest act will ruin your bond.
4. Safety
Becoming intimate can put you in a vulnerable position, hence many tend to withdraw at this point. But when you feel safe opening up, without worrying about your secrets being exposed, intimacy deepens.
Do you know that when your spouse feels secured around you, two of you will be knitted together in bond? The onus lies on you to make your partner feel safe when discussing issues with you.
Avoid verbal diarrhea when you have a misunderstanding with your spouse; your spouse’s past and present or secrets should remain between you two. Do not use their secret against them, it destroys the glue that makes you intimate.
More so, attitudes such as criticism, rejection, and antagonism wouldn’t make you intimate with your spouse or it would prevent them from getting closer to you when you give them such an attitude.
5. Compassion
Who wouldn’t love to be cared for? We all desire it. Have you discovered that those who are compassionate tend to become intimate with whom they show compassion? This is an aspect that makes love selfless.
When your heart grows cold and dull in compassion, you won’t bond with your spouse, hence, it is love that fosters compassion and compassion enhances intimacy.
The closest demonstration of compassion is to be caring and many feel safe to bond when they’re truly cared for.
6. Affection
The unspoken way to show affection is when you show concern about the plight of another person, not because you want to hear the details of their problems or mock them, but you show concern to help out in your little ways. This is affection and it enhances intimacy.
Scripture admonishes us to be kindly affectionate one to another. However, this can only be possible when you have a tender heart. Those who have this kind of heart would attract more people to themselves because they’re affectionate, but when your heart is cold towards your spouse they tend to draw away from you.
Show affection to your spouse, the more you exhibit it, the more connected you’d be; but if you lack it, you’ll push them out to those who would lavish it on them – and that’s to the detriment of your marriage.
7. Communication
One of the vital necessities of a healthy relationship is communication because it fosters emotional intimacy.
Beyond talking, communication is letting out your pains, hurt, and fears to another person; however, listening is an effective part of it.
It is those who frequently communicate with each other that easily bond together. However, no forms of intimacy can be attained without communication. When you stop talking to your spouse for a while, you’d discover that separation comes in between you two.
How healthy is your communication with your spouse? Healthy communication gives birth to a healthy relationship, once that’s achieved, intimacy is attained.
How close and connected are you with your spouse? Marriage is more than living together as couples, it has more to do with your connectedness and oneness in every area. If you ensure these seven things are in place in your marriage, you’d be surprised to see that your marriage becomes enviable.
