To start with, let me ask you one of the unanswered questions in the Holy Bible: “Where was Adam when the serpent came to deceive his wife?”
I’ll leave that for you to unravel.
Relationships thrive, not because of the euphoria, excitement, or fantasies the involved parties share, growth is achieved when the right thing is done – especially when it’s mutual.
You’d have been told that communication is important in every relationship, that’s true; but permit me to burst your bubbles, without giving your partner the attention they crave, your relationship would die a natural death. And before you’d realize it, something or someone else would have taken up your space in their heart.
Attention is what we need and crave. Without it, no relationship, no matter how strong or mutual the chemistry is, can survive for long. The roots of intimacy in a relationship shrink and whithers when there’s no water of attention sprinkled on it.
However, what water is to a plant, in the presence of sunlight, and chlorophyll, so is attention to a relationship.
Taking a stroll back to the book of Beginnings, you’d see that something must have taken up the attention of Adam that he neglected or left his wife in a place in the garden. Of a truth, you can’t be together all day long, but can you be so into your spouse, or they can be so into you that in your absence, no intruder would be able to come in to separate you two, or pollute your union?
Think about that for a moment.
I know there’s a place of being faithful, watchful, or disciplined, on their part, however, the place of attention can’t be treated with levity. Attention is a form of love, do you give your partner or spouse their daily dose of it? Is it sufficient or deficient?
Yes, we are all busy, and it’s fine we pursue our goals and dreams, strive to improve our standard of living, or seek green pastures, but when you sign up for a relationship or say, “I do” in marriage, you’ve signed up for a serious and selfless commitment.
What are those things that hinder you from giving your partner the attention they truly need?
Could it be familiarity? Nonchalant attitude? Ownership mentality? What could be the cause?
If you don’t give your partner the attention they need, someone else would do that, and that would be to the detriment of your relationship. To some, it was a Herculean task to win the heart of their partner, but if you allow their love for you to wax cold due to negligence on your part to provide the attention they need, it would be difficult to get their hearts back.
Trust me, I’m guilty of this in my relationship, and I know many people are equally guilty as I am. If your partner’s love for you won’t wax cold, then you need to do something fast about it.
Women need attention from their partners, and men too, although they may pretend not to desire it that much. And if something would be done about it, the first thing to do is find what has occupied their space in your heart.
As I pointed out previously, your partner’s space and place in your partner shouldn’t be taken by mundane things such as work, career, dreams, goals, aspirations, or green pastures. As good as they may be, the place of your partner in your heart is what gives your relationship the drive and thrive it needs.
When something or someone else takes the place of your spouse in your heart, your love for them would hit the rock. You’d be cold towards your spouse, and there is nothing that would excite you about them.
Meanwhile, when you get to the point where you don’t care about their emotional needs, or they don’t care about yours, your relationship is dead on arrival, and you’re no different from roommates. Ensure you don’t get to this point, and if you’re close there, hit the reset button as fast as possible.
Secondly, strike a balance.
Yes, you need a good job or improve the condition of your life (in all areas), but the most important thing is balance. The beauty and dexterity of rope walkers are in their ability to balance their weight on the rope they climb. Fall is imminent when their weight skews more to a point than the other.
The same is true of your relationship. Strike a balance between your pursuit, aspirations, and relationship. It’s better to be single than to be married or engaged to a partner who denies you of the emotional intimacy you need or desire from them.
Trust me, money isn’t everything, but balance. Let there be an equilibrium between work and marriage, ministry and marriage, or other commitments and your relationship. Remember, it’s better to be single than to starve your partner the attention they need.
Thirdly, create time for intimacy.
Intimacy isn’t about sex; it could be emotional or spiritual. Regardless of how busy you are, create time to be intimate with your spouse. It is what matters to you, or what you value the most that you create time for.
No matter how busy you might be in the day or night, you can spare some time to call your spouse, send a text, chat, or spend quality time with them. Attention doesn’t mean you have to monitor or control them, it only implies that you find time to strengthen the bond of your relationship.
And never forget this in a jiffy: it is what you treasure that you create time for.
And lastly, make your partner a treasure.
Jesus said something in the Gospel according to St. Matthew. He said where your treasure is, there will your heart be also. It’s easy to cherish and nourish what we treasure, but we pay no attention to things we don’t value.
Is your partner a treasure?
Whether you’re engaged, married or not, after God, you must deliberately make your spouse your treasure, otherwise, something or someone else would become your object of treasure.
Why are some married to their job, business, career pursuit, or ministry other than their spouses? The reason isn’t farfetched. They value those things more than their spouses and to the detriment of their relationship. And when they become successful, they ended up becoming miserable because they neglected their spouses (or children).
It’s a deliberate action to treasure your spouse whether or not they’re worth it. Let go of your pride and prejudice. Work on yourself. Work on your spouse. Give them the attention they need and let’s see if the spark of love wouldn’t be ignited in your union.
It may look unthinkable and unrealistic to give them the daily dose of the attention they need, but when you make them the object of your treasure, striking out a balance between your commitments, creating and spending quality time with them, and nothing else takes their space and place in your heart, your relationship would bounce back to life, and you’d fall in love with them, over and over again.
Above all, pay more attention to your partner (or spouse) than you do to your phone.
