Most times, many of us have been schooled to think that our ability to profess love frequently, or in a romantic way, shows we have what it takes to love. Many feel when they say nice things to those they love or do those “good” things shows that they have what it takes to love.
But do you know what?
The capacity to love the way you ought to is not inherent in human nature because, by corruption, no one can love you the way they should unless there’s a transformation in their lives. Many thought the expression of love is tied to sex or showing it to their family members, or those within their inner circle; love is more than that.
However, you don’t need to be taught how to express sexual love, almost everyone can do that; but the highest form of love – Agape love – is a capacity that should be developed, else other forms of love you express would never bring out the best in your spouse, partner or those around you.
Isn’t it surprising to hear people claim to love their spouses, but also cheat on them? Haven’t you seen how weird it is to say you’re in love, but the one you love still breaks your heart consciously, or unconsciously; or you break theirs?
If you truly want to love the way you ought to, then you have to do the following.
1. Be recreated
Forget the Romeo and Juliet kind of love, it’s scripted and acted in movies, when the harsh reality of life unfolds, you’d need more than romance to stay true to the one you love.
So, to love the right way, your spirit must be regenerated and your soul renewed. What has this got to do with love? I pointed out earlier that you don’t need to be taught to practice Eros, Storge, or Phileo kind of love, but to express God’s kind of love, Agape, or true love, your human nature must be reconfigured.
A man or woman whose spirit hasn’t been regenerated by God can’t love you the right way. They would attempt, but the limitation in their nature would make it impossible to do it rightly. Mind you, you have to be born by God to possess the capacity to love like Him.
When I talk about loving the right way, it’s not a thing of the lips or verbal declaration; it’s love demonstrated through your action.
2. Be in love
Just as the moon draws its light from the sun, and a light bulb can only be lighted when it’s connected to electrical power, you need to be in a relationship with God so you can express His kind of love.
Admittedly, the percentage of those who can love without God is minute, the majority of the human folk must have a personal relationship with God to love the right way.
How can you love the right way, when you’re not on His pathway? Brenda Houloussaye asserts that when couples love God first, they love each other better. It is when you God first that you’d love your friend better.
For instance, if a guy spends on you, treats you like a queen, and listens to you without loving God, and you call that love, don’t be shocked when he makes some sexual advance.
A lady can claim to be in love with you because of what she stands to benefit from you, the way the benefit is withdrawn, it’s then you’d know why to profess love to you.
The closer to God you are, the better your love life is.
3. Watch who relate with
You might have heard me say this: to love is a command, but to relate is a choice. For God so loved the world, but He’d never commit His treasures to the world until someone has reciprocated almost the same measure of love to Him.
God loves everyone, but He doesn’t relate with everyone equally, or on the same pedestal. You can’t develop your capacity to love when you relate with the wrong person.
So, who are you in a relationship with?
If you’re in a relationship with a wicked man, you’d conclude that love is wicked, and thus, it would affect your capacity to demonstrate love the right way.
If you’re in a relationship with a stingy woman, it would affect your expression of love, because love ought to be mutual and reciprocated.
If your philosophy about love hasn’t been altered to align with God’s, it will be difficult for you to have what it takes to love. Many of us, our viewpoint of love has been affected by what this world has indoctrinated us with.
Some mothers would tell their male children, don’t tell your wife how much you’re earning, and some ladies think that they can’t be naked and unashamed to their husbands financially. His money is our money, and my money is my money. What a selfish mindset!
If you would possess the capacity to love the right way, do not be conformed to the principles of this cosmos, but be renewed in the spirit of your mind using God’s word.
Let your love life be guided by His Word, and not the world; only then will you express love the right way, which is selfless, unconditional, and sacrificial.