She asked.
Let me digress a bit before I answer your question. Why is it that most men don’t ask this kind of question about when to be in a relationship, but a lot of women do?
I believe the answer isn’t farfetched.
Men aren’t wired to be committed in a love relationship until they know they’re ready for it, but most women desire to be committed to a relationship even when they know they’re not ready for it, and they give their all to it, hoping it would work.
It won’t work o. There’s no way you’d be committed to a man who sees you as an option in his life, and that would change his mind about you. This is why a man can have sex with you, and will NEVER be committed to you. But once a woman allows sexual intimacy, she becomes more committed to the relationship even when the man is not ready to do so.
I’ll drum this to the ears of every lady out there who cares to listen: you’d bear the brunt of premarital sex more than a man once you allow it. Stay away from it; save sex for marriage.
Let’s even assume there’s no STD, pregnancy, and all that stuff that comes with it, once a man has sex with you, you’d be deprived of the commitment your soul desires from such a relationship. Why should he be committed when you’ve given him what he wanted?
A man will do everything for you if he hasn’t gone down there, but once he does, you’d be the one to do everything for him.
Don’t be a woman that’s moved by her feelings or pleasure, be a divine purpose-oriented woman.
See, a relationship is not a sin when:
1. You are ready for marriage
It is one thing to be ready for a wedding, it’s another thing to be ready for marriage. You’re ready for the wedding when you’re only bothered about the event rather than the life after it.
You shouldn’t be in a relationship when marriage isn’t your goal. And does it mean you should be in a relationship for marriage? Be in a relationship when you’re sure you’ve found the right one that would lead to marriage.
Stop dating several persons for the sake of finding the right person; trial and error don’t help either, it destroys. However, it’s not age that determines your readiness for marriage, several factors which are not limited to these determine it: maturity, responsibility, your level of understanding, finding the right person, becoming the right person, divine timing, and so on.
It is a sin to be in a relationship when you are still several years far from getting married. If you’re not getting married in less than two years, don’t lead yourself into temptation.
2. You know where you are going in life
Those who know where they’re going in life are not distracted by the place that looks like where they’re going.
When you have discovered your divine ordination and you’re ready for marriage, it’s good to be in a relationship.
However, you’d destroy so many things in your life when you don’t know where you’re going in life. This is why those who know their purpose and pursuit in life use people who don’t know theirs to accomplish theirs.
Where are you heading in life? To fulfill your divine purpose or you have no direction or vision for the future? It’s wrong to be in a relationship when you have no bearing in life. Do the needful. Life is more than messing up with your destiny in an immoral relationship.
3. You know what you want
It is painful to realize that most ladies don’t know what they want. If you want a sexually pure relationship, go for it. It’s an act of ignorance not to know what you want and you’re crying that you had illicit sex.
If a relationship looks like what you don’t want, you can easily quit when you’re not emotional about it. But when you don’t know what you want in life, and out of the relationship, you’d manage whatever comes from it.
If he abuses or cheats on you, you’d manage it with the hope that change might come later on, and that’s tales by moonlight.
It is better to be in a relationship that would lead into marriage when you know what you want from a potential spouse, you know where you are going and you’re ready for marriage, not the wedding.
But if all these three things are not in place, especially number 1, it’s a great sin. You know why?
1. You’d destroy yourself in it
A person who is not ready for marriage and doesn’t know what he or she wanted, but jumps into a relationship at the wrong time would be destroyed in it.
Doing the wrong thing at the wrong time is dangerous. You’d destroy yourself in it by doing those things you should never be doing.
Premarital sex destroys if you don’t repent from it, it’s not fun. The effect may not be known, but it would surely tell.
2. You’d be distracted
Are you bent on fulfilling the purpose why God created you? Please don’t be talked into an opposite-sex relationship. If the likes of Ibukun Awosika, or Ngozi-Okonjo Iweala had been hopping in and out of a boyfriend and girlfriend relationship, they wouldn’t have become all that we celebrated in them today.
Dear lady, there’s more to what you’d become in life than to waste your precious destiny in an immoral relationship. Be focused on achieving success, and when the right time comes, you’d marry the right person.
It’s a lie from the pit of hell that once you become successful as a woman, no man will approach you for marriage. See, ordinary men consider successful women a threat in marriage, but real men aren’t intimidated by their success.
Going into a relationship is not a sin when it does not take the place of God in your life, or make you a sinner. But it’s a sin when it kills you softly, distracts, destroys and you know it not.
Till I come your way next time on another Q&A episode, take charge and stay strong.
You shall know the truth and the truth shall set you free.
