Can a virgin marry a non-virgin? If yes, how do you manage them from looking outside as they have tasted it somewhere and won’t be pleased with what you offer?
My dear, two things are involved.
First, if a virgin marries a nonvirgin whose heart has been touched by God and his mindset renewed by the word, there’s no problem in such marriage.
You know why?
He or she is a changed person and has truly repented from the act that made him or her lose her virginity – illicit sex. God truly forgives anyone who has been caught up in the web of sexual immorality and does not return to their vomit.
Although the memories of their past sexual orientation may surface, they won’t be controlled by it.
Secondly, if a virgin marries an unrepentant nonvirgin, I’m sure you know what that means, there’s fire on the mountain. As a nonvirgin man, he would compare you with the ladies he has had sex with in terms of their experience, performance in bed, and their sexual skills which the virgin won’t have.
When a non-virgin lady marries a virgin man, she won’t be easily satisfied with his sexual performance especially if he’s a one-round man or he lacks foreplay (sexual stimulation) skills.
I’m a little bit detailed in my response so you can know the benefits of waiting till marriage before you have sex. Remember, I told you that if you have sex before marriage, you’d either become an addict or detest it; and either way, you can’t escape the consequence that comes with it – not even with the use of contraceptives.
See, sex is sweet especially when a virgin marries a virgin because that’s how God designed it to be. Forget those lies from the pit of hell that makes you think you won’t enjoy sex if you remain a virgin until marriage or marry one. It’s a baseless, unproven, and erroneous statement made by perverts who wanted you to lose your sexual purity and dignity.
If a virgin man or woman marries a nonvirgin partner who has been truly born again, there’s no problem with their sex life per se; but if a virgin marries an unrepentant nonvirgin, especially a womanizer or a promiscuous woman, their sexual life would be frustrating and worrisome.
You’d do yourself and your future spouse a great favor if you two decide to walk the path of abstinence till marriage.
You know why?
1. There’s no comparison with Halima, Nkechi, Sade; Femi, Nnamdi, or Musa.
You’d be content with whatever your partner brings to the marriage bed, but when you have tasted the forbidden fruit or eaten the bread of sexual pleasure in secret places, it would be difficult to be content with whatever you’re given in marriage.
Those who had sex before marriage and do not repent will compare their spouse with their past sex partners, especially when they underperform.
2. You can’t be a freak or dislike sex because you’d be new to the exploration of your sexuality.
Those who have had sex before marriage would either hate it with perfect hatred because they were rough handled or bruised in their first-time experience, while some would love it so much because they were given mind-blowing sex at the wrong time.
But if you can wait till marriage to have it, trust me, you’d look forward to your wedding night with so much gusto and glee; and your sexual life after the wedding night would be adventurous.
3. There’s no high or low expectation.
A nonvirgin’s sexual expectations from a virgin will be high based on his or her past sexual experience. He’d expect her to be skillful and as a woman, she’d expect him to go more than one round by having sexual prowess and stamina.
Without high or low expectations, you’d be satisfied with whatever you’re offered in marriage because there’s no prior experience.
See, if you’re not a virgin, it’s not over for you. You can still enjoy sex in marriage based on your abstinence and determination coupled with the assurance you have from the God you serve to give you His best in marriage.
Can virgins marry a nonvirgin? Yes, they can. I have seen and known virgins who married their wives as nonvirgins and enjoyed their marriage today.
The major thing is that the nonvirgin must have repented from what made them lose their virginity, otherwise, marrying them is a no-no. However, no matter what made you lose your virginity in the past, God will forgive you if you repent genuinely and return to Him completely.
Let me correct this notion, a man can’t make his wife faithful in marriage, and vis-a-vis. A woman can’t keep a man with sex or make him faithful if he has not made up his mind to be committed and faithful.
Until you have made up your mind to be faithful, with sex or no sex in marriage, you’d consider infidelity as the preferred option.
The only way to manage a nonvirgin in marriage is for them to be contented with whatever their spouse brings and do away with having a high expectation of sex in marriage from their virgin spouse.
However, when the nonvirgin has truly repented and produced fruits meet for repentance, you don’t need to manage or keep them, they would make up their minds to be committed, contented, and faithful to whatever sexual package you bring to the marriage bed.
Repent from your sexual immorality so He can give you a new life and a fresh start. Remember, sex in marriage is to be enjoyed and not to be endured; however, your decision today would determine if you’d enjoy or endure it.
The ball is in your court.
Till I come your way next time on another Q&A episode, take charge and stay strong.
You can click here to view the previous episode.