Please advise me on what to do sir. I’m in love with a lady but she hardly reciprocates my love. But there’s this lady who loves and helps me but I don’t see myself loving her. Which of them do you think I should consider for marriage?
The issue of knowing who to marry is a critical point that women aren’t the only one who gets confused at this point. Men too, sometimes cannot differentiate between the women they need from the one who only wants them.
Do you find yourself in this kind of situation? You may learn one or two things from my chat with this brother as you make your decision.
HRI: There is a thin line between conviction and confusion, and a little ray of light makes the difference between these two. More so, the person you want is most times not the person you need.
Most singles who are in a relationship pursue those who want them while neglecting those who truly need them.
A person wants you only when you meet a particular need in their life, and having met that need, they won’t care about you anymore.
Are you following?
Bro. D: Yes, sir. You’re making a point.
HRI: Thank you.
A person needs you in their life when they know you’d make a good match in their life, not because of your physical appearance, material possession, or personality impression.
But the mistake many make is that they run after the man or woman they think they love while they ignore the man or woman who truly loves them.
One way to recognize the love that is genuine is that it gives much more than it receives. But fake love demands more than it gives.
Do not forget that love gives; not what would destroy the life of the giver, but that which is given makes the life of the receiver better than it was (John 3:16).
I do not mean that you offer your bodies on the bed of immorality, but you give your time, resources, ideas, and offering assistance to make the life of the receiver better.
Bro. D: (He interrupts) Sorry to cut in, sir, do you think this other lady loves me more than the one I’m chasing?
HRI: Let me tell you this: when you move closer to the one you think you don’t love, you will see reasons why you should love her than the one who only wants you when you can meet her needs.
Most people don’t love those who truly love them. They strive so hard to win the love of those who never have an iota of love for them, but they ignore the one who truly loves them.
Hear this: you may not like the person who truly loves you because of one or two things you saw in them which looks like a turn-off, but when you move closer to them, you will discover that they are truly the person you need.
Bro. D: Hmmm. Are you for real sir?
Get close to this lady you think you do not love and study what she’s truly made of. You would discover that she is truly the person you need if you are not carnal.
Most men look for beauty at the expense of character, while a lot of women place a high premium on a man’s financial worth rather than having peace of mind (security) in marriage.
These aren’t bad but they have little significance.
Meanwhile, two scriptures summarize the above points.
Favor is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord shall be praised (Prov. 31:30). Better is a dry morsel, and quietness therewith than a house full of sacrifices with strife (Prov. 17:1).
Bro. D: Okay sir.
HRI: When I mean to get close, be her friend; not with the intention to marry her, but to know her.
However, knowing the right person to marry does not come through observation, but by revelation.
More so, never ignore the place of God in your choice of who to marry. God sees what you cannot see even if you use a 3D glass, and He knows what you don’t know.
Until God gives you a go-ahead, don’t make any decision based on what you see or how you feel.
Final word: Do not waste your time, emotion or resources on a person who only sees you as an option while you make them a priority. Never embrace anyone who only comes around you when there’s manna, but leaves you when there’s famine. Stop chasing the person who wants you to meet their needs, while they live you confused and frustrated in a one-sided relationship.
Above all, seek God.
Most things we are striving to get is only within our reach when He opens our eyes of understanding.
Seek God intimately. In Him and with Him lies the answers to your questions. One word from Him will dispel your confusion.
Till I come your way next time on this Q&A episode, take charge and stay strong. Should you have issues you need clarification on without being judged, please feel free to DM me or visit my Facebook page @ Handling Relationship Issues.
You shall know the truth and the truth shall set you free.