Sir, I refused to accept a man’s invitation to come to his house, because I don’t accept such an invitation if it’s not in a public place, only to discover some months later that he was married. Before then he calls and we chat often, but after my refusal, he developed a cold foot towards me. I felt I should have visited him, and I feel bad when I see him in church now that he’s married.
What should I do?
My sister kindly pays attention to the following issues I would itemize.
1. The fact that you do not go to a man’s house doesn’t mean you have done a bad thing.
While it is not all men who want to have sex with you when you visit them, it’s better and safer not to be in the room alone with a man you’re not married to; anything can happen.
If a man truly loves you, he would respect your opinion and not treat you like a nobody because you reject his invite. You haven’t done anything bad to have rejected his offer. Do you know why?
It’s better to be safe than to be sorry.
2. What if you went and you ended up in bed with him, will you forgive yourself?
Assuming you went on the first visit and nothing happened, what would later happen the next time you visit him? Be careful. Sexual sin thrives behind closed doors (in the secret).
If you went and you had coitus, would you be happy to have lost your sexual purity in such an environment? I’m sure you would hate yourself if you cast your pearl before swine.
3. Don’t you think he’s already in a relationship with that lady while you were invited?
This is where many single ladies fall victim.
There are lots of men who are players. Because they already have someone to marry, they want to play their last sexual match or game with gullible ladies.
You don’t meet a person today and get married in less than 3 months, it happens in rare cases. This man is already in a relationship with the lady he wants to marry. If you fall into his sexual trap, you’d be told a different story. I’m sure you know it.
4. The feeling of having done something wrong is not from God
This is where you should pay attention. Because the devil is a father of all liars, he would fill your heart with guilt and condemnation for doing something right and godly. He will also be the same person who will guilt trip you if you have had premarital sex with the man.
You need to understand your thought life. God doesn’t condemn you if you have done the right thing, but the devil does by sowing negative thoughts into your mind.
He would tell you that you’re too hard on yourself, who virginity help, do you think you’d see serious men who won’t ask for sex before marriage; and if you’re not careful, you’d be discouraged from trusting God for a partner.
Don’t focus on what you want to receive from God, serve God, and He will grant you the desires of your heart.
5. What is God saying about your marital life?
This is a question you need to answer in all sincerity.
If God’s not saying anything about your marital life, you’d be frustrated waiting on God for the right man. God speaks. He only reveals His mind to those who have a growing relationship with Him.
If you don’t have a relationship with God, you’re wasting your time trusting God for a marital partner. Don’t just be a churchgoer, or be a worker in the church, have an intimate relationship with God where you can hear Him at every point in time.
When you hear God speak about your marital life, you’d never be discouraged by people’s actions or inaction as it thus relates to your marital life.
My sister, forgive yourself and quit the blame game. You have not lost anything to have rejected his invitation. Face God squarely and know His mind for your marital life.
Till I come your way next time on another Q&A episode, take charge and stay strong.
You shall know the truth and the truth shall set you free.
Click here to read episode 19.