I have two responses to this question.
First, it’s a no-no.
Do you know why?
If you seek a spouse in church without God, you’re on your own, because a church is like a hospital. You have doctors, nurses, and several patients with different ailments.
You might be unfortunate to marry a sick patient because you can’t recognize those who are sick financially, mentally, spiritually, or character-wise. In the church, some people are like patients in the IC unit, some are in emergency departments, but only a few have been made whole – have encountered Jesus.
That she sings in the choir, or he’s in the prayer department doesn’t mean they’re hale and hearty or the best match for you in marriage.
As I pointed out in my last post on marriage, the place you meet your partner, and how you met is important because it forms the foundation of your marriage. If your marital foundation is bad, everything you build on it would be unstable.
Without God, the church isn’t the right place because there are pretenders in the church, of course, everyone puts up their best self during service. If you seek a spouse because of their spiritual charisma, or personality impression, you’d face the music yourself in marriage.
As good as the church should be, there are sick pastors too who you shouldn’t marry. We’ve read about pastors who abuse their spouses. That a man is a pastor doesn’t mean he’s a perfect spouse-to-be. And that a woman is a choir mistress or music director doesn’t mean she would make a good wife.
So, the church is not the best place to seek a spouse if God’s not involved, because you might be unlucky and marry a “sick” patient, doctor, or nurse.
On the flip side, if God’s involved, the church is the best place.
No sane Christian, I don’t mean churchgoers, would go to the nightclub, beach party, or a dance hall to seek a spouse. God can lead you to any of His sons and daughters anywhere, and there’s a possibility of meeting them in a “spiritual” environment; it may not be in the church, but a godly place.
If you trust Him to guide you, He may matchmake you to one of His children in your denomination or a different one entirely. Don’t limit Him by thinking your spouse must come from your church (or tribe).
I read a story of a Christian lady who had issues with her NYSC placement which she couldn’t resolve in Lagos. She had to travel down to Abuja to rectify the problem. It was the church she worshipped on Sunday that she met her would-be husband.
The problem is not about the “best place” to seek a spouse, the major issue is about who and what is leading you. As a child of God, you can meet your spouse anywhere, but not in ungodly places, when He leads and guides you.
If God’s leading you to someone in your church, and not your lust, idol, infatuation, pastor, friends, parent, and you’re not leading yourself, be sure He’s the one that’s leading so you can get it right. Get your convictions and confirmations, they are important.
God will lead you if you’re among His sons and daughters, and by extension, you’re His sheep, not a goat. He leads those who put their trust in Him. He also leads those who are meek and those who fear Him. He leads those who depend on Him, not those who think they know it all, or can do without Him.
If God’s not involved, the church may not be the best place to seek a spouse, or else, you’d marry Lucifer in the appearance of angel Gabriel. And without God in your quest, no place is safe or the best place. Above all, let God be involved, He knows the right place and event that would connect you to your Mr. or Miss Right.
Till I come your way next time on another Q&A episode, take charge and stay strong.
Should you have issues you need clarification on without being judged, please feel free to DM me or visit my Facebook page @ Handling Relationship Issues to learn more.
You shall know the truth and the truth shall set you free.
© Oluwamayowa Adeniyi 2022
