I’m 26yrs going to 27yrs in July. I’m single. The problem I’m having is that I haven’t met with people or rather some with whom we share the same value. I promise myself that no man will have sex with me except my soul mate. But the problem now is that the kind of guys coming around just wants to sleep with me. In first conversations or visits, they talk about sex. I don’t want to yield to that and I just want to leave this singlehood. What do I do?
This issue you highlighted is basically the issue most single ladies face, especially those in their late twenties and above. At this point, and like always, most guys who come your way want to have sex with you, and if you’re desperate to quit being single, you’d fall into their trick.
Analyzing these issues, I found out three things you must address.
- The need for the right suitor
- Pressure or desperation
That you’re single at 27 as a lady shouldn’t be a problem if you haven’t done the right thing to be married. See, it’s good that many singles should be alone, rather than be married when they would have been better off.
Don’t worry about your age when the needful hasn’t been done. Age is just a number if you’re immature mentally, spiritually, financially, and you do not know your divine purpose. Many of you think that when you’re 25 and above, marriage should be the next thing. That’s not true. Do you have what it takes to stay married if the right man comes? Think about it.
Before the right person comes, a lot of wrong suitors would have come your way. And that a man doesn’t ask for sex doesn’t mean he’s the right person.
Some won’t ask for coitus, yet they’re a misfit for your life and destiny if you marry them. The discovery of your divine purpose, and knowing God’s mind concerning who you should marry would help you to discern the right and wrong person.
However, that most men want sex doesn’t mean all of them are after your skirt and bra. Set a standard beyond sex or no-sex. Are you compatible in all areas, including destiny-wise?
Now that you “claim” you’re getting old because of your age, you’re already setting yourself up for pressure, and if care isn’t taken, you’d settle for less, or marry the available one. Discard worry from your mind as regards your age, or whatever pressure anyone would mount on you.
If you’ve avowed that your soul mate would be the one you’d have sex with (and in marriage), that’s fine. But relax, wait for it, trust God for it, and be prepared for it. Above all, pray and be patient for it.
Life isn’t a 400m dash, it’s a marathon, and everyone has their finishing time. Never allow what you see or hear to push you into a race you’d regret, which would then make you run ahead of His time. Don’t be desperate to leave being single, maximize your single years because you’d never have it again, except something bad happens (and God forbids).
What do I do?
These are what I’d suggest.
1. Work on your appearance, association, and the aura you carry
If your dressing is sexually enticing, no decent man would come for a serious relationship. And even if it’s modest, watch your association (friends). You can’t walk with slay queens, and you won’t be attracted to Yahoo boys or sex-hungry men.
Meanwhile, the aura you carry also matters, and this is mostly spiritual. If you carry a negative aura, nothing positive would come your way. Hence, prayerfully destroy anything that attracts the wrong guys to you.
2. Maximize your single life
Hear this, you’d never be single forever, (except you want to be a nun), so why worry about it? There’s a time to be single, and a time would come that you’d be married. Being single is a preparatory stage for life, marriage, and destiny. Use it now to do the needful.
Discover your divine purpose. Cultivate a personal relationship with God, that’s more than going to church. Work on your character. Be financially independent, don’t be a liability in marriage. And be mentally sound: read good books, and walk with wise people.
Focus more on becoming the right person instead of looking for the right partner. If you do that, and God’s involved, He would orchestrate the event that would connect you to the right person. But if you do not, you’d make a mess of your marriage even if you’re married to an angel because you failed to be the right person.
If you do these two things I outlined up there, in no distant time, you’d marry right, and enjoy your single life.
Till I come your way next time on another Q&A episode, take charge and stay strong.
You shall know the truth and the truth shall set you free.
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