Sir, I’m over 30 years, but most men who seek a relationship want sex. Aside from that, I’m almost giving up because the pressure to get married is much.
My response:
There are lots of reasons why people desire sex before marriage, but all their reasons put together has no justification when you observe it on the lens of truth.
Having sex outside the right place – marriage – is an outright evil and it does not guarantee a successful marriage, neither does it mean whoever had sex with you would marry you.
If they do, a faulty foundation for your marital bliss has been laid. Who would build a house on the wrong foundation?
LADY: But what should I do sir? I feel like I’m being hard on this no-sex before marriage thing.
HRI: Two things are involved in the above scenario.
First, as a lady, when a man comes with an intention to have sex, you should not fidget if your values on sexual purity are firm.
That most men come around for sex doesn’t mean all men crave for sexual intimacy before marriage.
Ordinary men consider intimacy before commitment, because they don’t have anything tangible to offer, but real men desire commitment before intimacy because to them women are a treasure, and not a sex object.
HRI: Do you understand what I’m saying?
LADY: Yes Sir.
HRI: This is the second point you should consider.
Being over thirty years of age is not a time to settle for anyone who comes your way. It is not a time to do trial and error, but a time to be intentional about life and marriage.
I quite agree that the pressure is much, and that age is not on your side.
You need patience to marry right. It is better to be late and marry right than to be late and still marry the wrong person. Don’t you think the latter would be regrettable?
At 30 years or and above, you have waited this long, and it’s better you do not jump at any man who comes seeking for your hand in marriage.
LADY: Sir, do you think I can get a man who won’t ask for sex before marriage?
HRI: Of course, there is quite a handful of them.
If you allow God matchmake you, He won’t ever bring a man that would demand sex from you. Have you forgotten that every good and perfect gift is from the Lord?
If you look for the man to marry, chances are high that you would attract the wrong ones. But when you allow God to direct and position you where you would meet the right person, He will never bring a man that would place a high premium on having sex outside marriage.
Even if he asks once, it may be a mistake. But when he asks more than once and he wants you to get pregnant before marriage, my dear, run!
God will never give you a man or woman that would destroy you. Any man who insists on having sex with you before marriage is not from God; it doesn’t matter if he is a “pastor.”
God won’t bring a person into your life who would lead you into temptation. The right person would strive to deliver you from evil even if one of the partners desires to embrace sexual immorality.
LADY: Ok Sir. Should I soft-pedal my no-sex before marriage philosophy because most of my female friends say my no sex thing is too much?
HRI: If your friends want to influence you to do something bad, replace them. You can’t embrace abstinence till marriage if your friends celebrate immorality.
And if it is to lower your standard to accommodate all manner of men that comes your way, you will end up losing what you have kept this far.
If God does not lower His standard to accommodate man’s excesses, but He demands that we should be holy as He is, it’s unwise to settle for the Jones who comes your way.
On the issue of pressure, don’t subscribe to it, whether it is internal or external. Anything done under pressure does not end well. If anyone mounts pressure on you to marry, go to His presence to diffuse it.
The problem with many of us is we don’t have a committed relationship with God while waiting, hence, we do not receive strength from Him from time to time in the days of adversity – waiting.
More so, we don’t exercise enough patience with God to receive the best He has for us, this is why we settle for whatever looks like the “good,” while we ignore the best He’s preparing for us.
LADY: Thank you, sir.
HRI: Don’t give up. Though it tarries, wait for it. God is working out a good spouse for you, are you patiently waiting for Him? Robert Schuler said, “Tough times don’t last but tough people do.”
If you give up, you’ll lose; but if you hold on, surely you won’t only laugh last, but you will be gloriously celebrated.
Last words…if you are in this kind of situation, go back to God and do not seek for who to marry. Except you do not want Him to guide, you can continue to look for the “right” person. And this applies to both men and women who are looking for who to marry.
Seek and serve God, and at the right time, He will reward your labor of love, not only with a good spouse but a glorious marriage. Someone asserts that a good spouse is a reward from God, and yes, it is.
Not having sex before marriage is one of the ways to enjoy a sexually satisfying intimacy in marriage. You may argue it but it’s the truth. Nobody becomes an expert by learning as an expert, all learners started as an amateur before they became a pro.
Don’t embrace a person who wants sexual intimacy before they can be committed to you. Commitment comes before intimacy.
Remember, those who quit do not lift the trophy, only winners are celebrated
Till I come your way next time on this Q&A episode, take charge and stay strong.
Should you have issues you need clarification on without being judged, please feel free to shoot me a mail on [email protected]
You shall know the truth and the truth shall set you free.
