Sir, I have had sex in the past when I thought it was a big deal. But, now that I know it’s not worth the hype and I have realized my ignorance, will I still be able to marry right and enjoy a great marriage?
It is better to learn the truth by obeying the truth than to know the truth after you have embraced lies and deceit.
There’s a point in the life of everyone when they were ignorant of what they had done while they thought they knew what they were doing. But, when they know better, they would realize the ignorance of their actions.
HRI: My dear, one of the truths I want you to know about God is that His mercy and love is everlasting. God does not guilt trip or condemn you.
If you had been a victim of illicit sex in the past, He is able to forgive you when you genuinely repent, that is, repentance that’s birthed by godly sorrow.
It is when you sin against God that you give the devil the access to oppress you with fear.
Do you understand?
LADY: Yes, sir.
HRI: That you had sex in the past does not mean God will judge you with your past.
God forgives. The Holy Spirit convicts. But the devil condemns.
God loves. The Holy Spirit sheds His love abroad in your heart. But the devil fills your heart with fear so you won’t believe what His Word says about His love and forgiveness.
One thing you should know is: God loves you regardless of your past or present, but He’s unhappy whenever you make Him sorrowful with the way you live your life each waking moment.
If, however, you genuinely repent – having a change of heart that translates to a change of life – be assured that God has forgiven you.
When you confess your sin to God, not to a prophet or priest who doesn’t have the power to forgive your sins outrightly, be assured that He is able and just to forgive you all your sin and unrighteousness and to cleanse you (1 John 1:9).
HRI: Are you still following?
LADY: I am with you sire.
HRI: The only limitation to God’s forgiveness is that Jesus’ blood does not erase the consequences of your action.
Forgiveness means to cancel every legal grounds of accusation the devil had against you through the Blood of Jesus.
If you do or do not experience issues such as unwanted pregnancy, abortion, or becoming a single parent as the consequence, God has forgiven you still.
Even if you have a child out of wedlock, you should understand the dimension of God’s love – He forgives.
LADY: Sir, you have not answered my question on the possibility of marrying right.
HRI: Yes, I know. I just have to lay the foundational truths on what His forgiveness means.
It is possible to marry right regardless of your past.
If you had lost your virginity in the past, it is 100% possible for you to marry the right person, provided you do the right things that make people marry right.
Even if you are now a single mom or dad as a result of your past, don’t feel it’s over for you. God can and would give your life meaning.
But you must BELIEVE He has forgiven you. If you believe you have been forgiven, you shall be justified, but if you allow the devil to pin you down with unbelief, you would feel condemned.
God’s forgiveness has nothing to do with how you feel. The devil will use your feelings against you by bringing fear. Fear brings torment. Fear keeps you in bondage. Fear is the product of your imagination.
Your antidote to fear is knowledge. Know the truth in His word.
To marry right regardless of your past, TRUST in the Lord with all your heart. Don’t go around looking for someone to marry you, stay with God. Let Him matchmake you.
You can’t date Kate or Kenneth and expect God to help you. Cast the burden of finding who to marry on God and don’t make it yours.
Next, do not LEAN on your understanding.
Don’t think by giving a man or woman sex before marriage would make them accept you because you had lost it. Hold onto the principle of no-sex before marriage. It works!
Using your knowledge to find the “right” person without God won’t get you His best.
And do not think you can’t get His best because you missed it in the past. Be confident in the Lord.
More so, ACKNOWLEDGE God in all your ways.
Whenever anyone approaches you for a relationship, involve God. You can’t discern men or women with genuine intention as touching marriage on your own, let God guide you.
Above all, let Him DIRECT your path.
Don’t force yourself into the heart of any man (or woman). Anyone whom God does not bring into your life will mess up your life.
God brings people into your life for a season and a reason, and the devil does the same, but be sensitive. Those who the devil brings would teach you negative lessons or betray you to evil.
Be flexible. Don’t be too rigid for God to guide. Don’t settle for the less. Don’t give up on God.
LADY: Thank you so much for these explanations.
HRI: You’re welcome.
And finally, guard your life against what made you fall into sexual sin in the past. Embrace self-control, discipline, and the fear of God.
While you’re waiting for a marital settlement, build capacity mentally, financially, spiritually, and discover God’s purpose for your life. It is not everyone who comes into your life for a relationship that is meant to be the one.
Don’t give a visitor a VIP place in your life. And never cast your pearls before swine because they will ruin it.
Remember, your past does not define you. If you believe it does, you will become what you think because as he thinks in his heart, so is he (Prov. 14:23).
Till I come your way next time on this Q&A episode, take charge and stay strong.
And should you have issues you need clarification on without being judged, or you need counsel and to be prayed with, please feel free to send me an email at [email protected]