A Yoruba adage asserts that “Agbe maja kan osi, aja matan ni o da,” meaning that “It’s impossible to live together and not have a disagreement; not finding a solution to the constant conflict is condemnable.”
However, one of the leading causes of divorce in marriages is the inability of couples to resolve their misunderstanding before it degenerates into irreconcilable differences.
Issues bothering on sex, finance, and third-party influence have often been the major areas where misunderstanding occurs in relationships and when consensus cannot be reached, it becomes a problem.
Misunderstanding is inevitable in a relationship, no matter how hard you try to avoid it; and this is because of our vast differences in behavior, mindset, and upbringing. However, when it happens, how you handle them determines the outcome of your relationship.
Are you finding it difficult to handle misunderstandings in your relationship? Do you end up being rebuked by your partner when it happens, or take the blame even when you’re not wrong for the sake of peace to reign, or does it take forever to manage it?
Well, try this out to address it.
1. Create a conducive environment for a heart-to-heart talk
One of the factors that enhance effective communication in relationships is knowing the right place to hold a meaningful discussion.
You can’t discuss private and sensitive issues between you and your partner at parties; meanwhile, the bedroom has proven to be an effective place. And for singles, find a good place, but not in isolated places.
However, dealing with conflicts wouldn’t have been a bottleneck if couples create a time to discuss it. Due to ignorance in managing conflicts, many resolve to the silent treatment or keep malice with their partner.
In handling a misunderstanding, find the right place and time to talk about it; moreover, a problem shared is half solved, and the one you stomach compounds.
2. Be calm and listen
Every effort to quell an issue will always prove abortive if you do not embrace a cool, calm, and collected approach towards it. It’s normal to be enraged, but he who is slow to anger is better than the mighty, and he who rules over his spirit (emotion) is better than he who conquers a city.
Listen to your partner’s opinion before you dish out a piece of your mind. If you flare up when you should be calm, you’ll ruin the resolution. Don’t rush to speak, but listen and seek to understand the issue than to be understood.
3. See your partner as an ally
It’s easy to resolve an argument or misunderstanding when you see your partner as a friend and not a foe. Meanwhile, the way you talk to your friend is different from how you’d talk to an enemy.
Talk to your partner as a friend and the issue would be easily resolved; but when you attack or hurl insults at them like an enemy, you’d mess things up.
4. Let love lead
Do you truly love your partner? Then walk your talk.
The best time to prove your love for your partner is in the ugly, and not-too-good moments. It’s easy to profess your undying love when things are rosy, but in odd situations, your love will be tested.
Love’s way is the best way to quickly resolve disputes. When love takes the lead, nothing becomes escalated or lingers, but when there’s hatred, strife is generated. Remember, hatred stirs up strife, but love covers a multitude of sins.
Apply these four principles in your relationship whenever there’s a misunderstanding and you’d be surprised to see how trivial it is in handling them.
However, for these principles to be effective, they must be mutually practiced, otherwise, nothing successful will be achieved if it’s one-sided.
Many thanks Alvin for your kind words. A stitch in time saves nine.