If you haven’t read the previous post on “Can You Carry Him (Her)” please do that for you can comprehend this article you’re about to read.
We all have weight, whether it’s physical, spiritual, or psychological. Some weights are from our past, some are inherent, while some would be acquired in the future. Your ability to bear the weight of your spouse would determine the success of your marriage.
Why do you think some divorce their spouse due to what they call irreconcilable differences? Why did some marry another woman because of their spouse’s infertility issue? Why did some even focus their attention on their children, and not on their spouses?
Bearing the weight of your spouse is beyond the physical activity of carrying them during the wedding ceremony. After your guests are gone on the wedding day, you’d be left alone to be bear the weight of your spouse – whether it pleases you or not, whether it’s heavy or light.
What is weight?
In the context of marriage, weight is the excesses, shortcomings, habits, past and present issues, and the mentality of your would-be partner in marriage. Some you can bear, while some you can’t, and you’d have to live with them forever.
You don’t need physical muscles to bear the weight of your spouse in marriage, and your appearance won’t help either. You need wisdom, knowledge, and understanding – especially divine.
If you would be able to marry who you can carry, pay attention to the following advice.
1. Marry right
If you’re married to someone who is not your size, carrying them is impossible. Now I do not mean physical size, but someone you can both agree and align in values.
It would be impossible to bear the weight of a person you’re not in harmony with. This is why you must marry the person you can both work with and walk together.
And no matter how hard you try, if you marry wrongly, you can’t enjoy the marriage or your spouse. Do you know why? Their weight will be too heavy for you to bear, either financial, spiritual, emotional, or psychological.
To marry right, be the right person, and allow the Right Person to lead you to the right person. Above all, patience prepares you to bear the weight of the right person.
Prepare for marriage, not for the wedding.
David could kill Goliath because he had from experience killed a lion and a bear. If he had not killed the latter, he won’t have had the boldness to face him.
It is God who prepares a man by taking him through different experiences he would need to survive in the future. Don’t rush out of your singlehood, because there is some experience you’d need from it when you get married.
Let God prepare you for marriage. The best thing you can do to get yourself prepared is by building capacity – mental, spiritual, emotional, and financial. God’s preparation is more than that.
God will work so many virtues into your being if you allow Him to, and the process He would use to accomplish it differs, and it could be sometimes painful. If you lack patience, God might take you through a person or family you’d live with from whose action or inaction, patience is brewed in you.
If you don’t allow Him to do that, you will regret learning the lesson the hard way when you’d need it the most.
Importantly, to know who you can carry…
3. Be led
Emotions lead, likewise what you see in a partner. The likes of men’s opinion, pressure, impatience, or desperation could also lead you into marriage.
Let God lead you to who you should marry.
A person might not look like who you want, but they’re the person you need because they can carry you, and you’d be able to carry them – if God’s leading you. If you lead yourself to someone whom God hasn’t led you to, you’d face the consequences.
God knows who is right – suitable – for you. He knows you. He knows them. And He knows what two of you can bear when you come together.
If you lead yourself into a relationship because of those mundane things many esteem, you’d be disappointed when it’s difficult for you to bear their weight.
For instance, Mr. A may not be able to keep up with the excesses or the past of Miss A, but God wants Miss A to marry Mr. B who can do that gracefully. Whereas, Miss A wants to be married to Mr. A because she felt they have many things in common. If she ignored divine leading, she would regret her decision if she ended up marrying the person she want.
Don’t be ignorant. Don’t lean on your understanding. God’s ways are not yours. The, and your ways can’t equal His. Let Him lead you, He knows the right person that is good for you. The best you could do is to marry who you want, but when God’s involved, He’ll lead you to marry who you need.
Marry your size because marriage would “test” your strength. It would be difficult to carry him or her when you marry the wrong person, or you lead yourself into the relationship. And now that you’re single, don’t rush in when you do not have what it takes to stay in the marriage. Prepare for marriage, not the wedding day, so you can bear whatever weight your spouse has and that life throws at you.