We all know what it is, right? If you don’t, let me be of help.
Courtship isn’t a dating relationship, it’s an intentional relationship whose destination is marriage. If you still doubt the destination of your courtship, you should call it quits. A broken relationship, as they say, is better than a broken marriage.
However, the difference between courtship and a dating relationship is like the difference between heaven and hell. You can have multiple dates, you can never have multiple courts. You prepare for marriage during courtship, but in a dating relationship, you assess the suitability of two or more partners for marriage.
Let me add one more. Courtship requires commitment, focus and faithfulness to one partner, but a dating relationship does not allow for that. A man or woman can be committed to several persons whilst they look out for what seems to be their best “match.” You find your best match prior to courtship, but you look for the best match while dating.
Now, let’s make progress. The time to lay down a solid foundation for your marriage is courtship. I believe you have done your thorough assignment before you say yes or make that romantic proposal.
In case you don’t know, courtship is the preparatory stage for marriage. Anything you overlook in courtship will become a hook in marriage.
In courtship, you talk, you don’t touch. Don’t make your courtship a time for romance (like they say), or indulge in sexually stimulating activities. I know your hormones are on fire, but cease-fire; don’t burn.
I have stressed two major things you should do in courtship and if you do it well, you’d never regret your marriage provided you are in a relationship with the right man, or you’re the right woman.
The first thing you should do in courtship is to TALK. Talk about everything. Ask questions. Talk about the kind of marriage you want to achieve. Is it a heaven-on-earth marriage, or an endurance trek marriage? And as you talk, discuss what to do to achieve it.
Talk about your purpose. Do you just want to be married and make babies, become a parent, and then a grandmother without being known for something notable in life and within your spheres of influence?
Come off it. Gone are the days a woman’s duty ends in the kitchen. Some women are known for something great. The likes of Ibukun Awosika, and Ngozi Okonjo-Iweala are a few examples.
And what makes you a man is not a function of how good you are in bed. Be a man – a transformational leader. Be a priest, not a puppet for wickedness and destruction.
Talk about what you want to be known for even as a married couple. Would you be an enviable couple or bad example for people to learn?
If you don’t have a purpose to live for, and you marry a man or woman who’s going nowhere or that can support you, your marriage will serve no purpose on earth and in eternity.
Talk about your understanding of marriage. Is it just living together as husband and wife, or the coming together of two different people to achieve a mutual goal? You need a mutual understanding of what marriage is and be on the same page.
Discuss issues regarding finances. Who brings money to the table, and how are bills shared? Let me correct this notion: a woman’s money is not for herself and a man’s money is not for them. Don’t be self-centered. Be his helpmeet, and not a liability. Be an asset to a man, and not a burden.
Talk about everything – your fear, aspirations, dreams, past, present and future. Sweep no matter under the carpet. Any issue you fail to discuss could become a threat in your marriage. Remember, in courtship, you talk, don’t touch. If you touch more than you talk, you’re in for failure. You can’t touch or play with the fire of immorality and you’ll not be burned.
Next important thing you must do during courtship is to lay down a solid foundation for your marriage. How solid your union would be is not planned in marriage, you do that in courtship.
Plan and prepare for marriage, not the wedding day. Make financial, spiritual, material, mental, emotional, and moral plans. Those who fail to plan would end up in failure. Do not forget to talk about how misunderstandings or challenges would be addressed, this is very important. As much as you fantasize about a rosy marriage, make plans for the eventuality of life in marriage as they come.
Now that you’ve known these two things about marriage, are you talking or touching? Are you planning for a successful marriage or you’re fiddling with sexual pleasures?
Make the most of your courtship so you can enjoy the best in your marriage.