You can give without loving, but you can’t love without giving.
How true is this assertion?
One truth remains golden and it’s valid in every relationship. The true definition of love is giving, and there’s a right and wrong time to give. Many have complained about their partner’s refusal to give, while some resisted its receipt from their partner.
Is gift or cash giving bad in a relationship (friendship or courtship)? And when can it be said to be either good or bad?
However, the following things either make cash or gift-giving right or wrong.
1. Motive
“A wicked man (person) taketh a gift out of the bosom to pervert the ways of judgment” (Proverbs 17:23)
Why did you give her a gift? Why do you want a gift from him? If it’s to induce or influence her judgment to accept you, or to buy her affection, then your motive is questionable. Whatever purpose you have in mind either makes your giving of gift or cash either good or bad.
A wrong motive translates into a wrong giving, and if your intention is good without ulterior motives, then giving or accepting it is right.
Meanwhile, whether the motive is right or wrong, never forget that a gift or cash can impact your relationship and the receiver. It can induce a person’s love for you, or set up a wrong foundation for you. Be careful.
2. Influence
A genuine Christian or a person with an adequate understanding will know that gifts or cash affect, both the giver, relationship, and the receiver. To the giver, he tells him that you’ve accepted his offer for a relationship, hence, he could demand something else.
This is the major reason why some men believe that once you accept their gifts, nothing stops you from declining their amoral request or advances.
On the flip side, the influence of accepting gifts by the receiver is that it beclouds your sense of judgment. Anyone who gives you gifts at the wrong time only wants to alter your sense of judgment while deciding between them.
Your decision would be influenced to accept it, but it would be easy to reject a man’s proposal when you do not collect anything from him. A person can give you gifts or money out of their generosity, but in a relationship, it should be brought under check especially when it could hurt the receiver or the motive of the giver is wrong.
3. Timing
There’s time for everything, so says the Holy Bible. The scripture puts it in a proper perspective, “A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away.”
If you are not going to marry him, stop accepting his gifts. And if you’re to marry her, there’s time to give her gifts or cash, and there is a time not to do so. If you lay precedence by lavishing money or gifts on your partner when you’re courting, and you discontinue such in marriage, that would cause friction in the marriage.
Receiving cash or gifts has a way of influencing one’s will, especially when it comes at the wrong time. It’s wrong to give gifts when a lady hasn’t made her decision to accept your proposal. Some cash or gift could influence a person’s decision to either say yes or no, especially when it is their love language.
When the timing is right, giving or accepting gifts or cash items has no negative effect or suggests an ulterior motive.
It’s only an ignorant or materialistic lady that would tread the path of collecting gifts when she’s not interested in a man but shows interest in his pocket. When you accept an average man’s gift with no intention of marriage, don’t be surprised if he goes the extra mile to recoup his returns.
A man who has ulterior motives would buy your affection through his cash or gift and use the same against you. However, Yorubas in their wisdom rightly assert that you do not smell what you won’t chew.
Gifts or cash giving attracts the giver to the receiver, either for genuine or false intimacy. Meanwhile, any relationship that’s built on gift or cash giving can’t stand the test of time.
Some nuggets about money, gift, and finance in courtship.
- Don’t take up the financial responsibility of your partner when you’re incapable of doing so.
- Never consent to your partner’s financial demand only to run into debt.
- Avoid proving a point to show off.
- Give reasonably. God did not vacate His throne to restore man to his original position.
- The love of (and the lust for it) money is the root of evil. Stay away from a partner who is bent on getting money by any means possible.
- Gifts can influence your decision or judgments; do not allow them when you’re not sure of your stance
- There’s little to what you should give during courtship; the difference between courtship and marriage is like the difference between heaven and hell.
- A stingy partner who doesn’t change during courtship may not change in marriage.
- Be sure you’re with a partner who has made up their mind to stay faithful to you, lest you cast your pearls before a swine.
- Timing is important. A good thing that is done at the wrong time is wrong. Know when to give, know when to receive a gift, cash, or kind; it is wisdom when you know when to reject it.
It is not a crime to give in a relationship, but know that behind every giving, there’s a motive, an influence it creates, and timing for it. Whether you’re giving or receiving, if those three things are wrong, then it is bad to receive or give.
Read the previous series here.
