Are they the same?
It’s one thing to be in a relationship or marriage, it’s another thing entirely to be intimate with the ‘person you’re married to (or you’re in a relationship with). Do you know that the way a man relates with his friends would differ from how he relates with his wife?
And on the flip side, a man can relate with his spouse the way he treats his friend. Many people are related, but not intimate, and likewise, many couples are related by marriage but are not intimate in marriage.
God created a man and his wife to be intimate with each other in marriage, and you’d recall that Jesus asserted that what God has joined together, let no man put asunder. Marriage was created for intimacy, and anything other than that is a mere relationship.
Do you know that you can be in a relationship with a person, but you’re not intimate?
Never allow your relationship to get to that point where you two would only be related by marriage or friendship and you’d not be intimate. Of course, you can’t be intimate with everyone, but with the one you love, ensure you do all that’s within your ability to build intimacy.
Understand this fact that the lowest level of intimacy is sex. There are other forms such as emotional, intellectual, and spiritual. Those who attempt to be physically intimate without developing other forms would ruin their ability to create a meaningful relationship.
It’s easy to get into a relationship, but it is difficult to develop intimacy.
For married couples and those who are engaged to be married, I’ll show you three things you need to build intimacy.
1. Communication
There are one thousand ways to kill a relationship, but the fastest way to do so is to withdraw communication. A relationship dies a natural death when those involved stop talking to each other.
Communication fosters emotional, intellectual, and physical intimacy. You can’t bond with each other if you stop talking.
Forget those “I’m too busy to talk” that most people give as an excuse, if you treasure the person you love, you’d find time to talk to them or think about them.
Mind you, the form of communication that fosters intimacy is heart-to-heart, intelligent or spiritual discussions. Exchanging pleasantries don’t enhance intimacy, and communication is beyond that, you must discuss real issues. Talk about your pains, fears, worries, successes, mistakes, or achievements; doing so helps you bond.
However, the primary goal of communication is to foster oneness.
2. Oneness
The hardest part of any relationship is oneness, and no intimacy can be formed when two persons live separately.
When God created marriage, the principle of oneness was initiated. A man and his wife are naked and unashamed, and they two shall become one flesh.
If you’re not growing to become one in your relationship, forget about intimacy. Becoming one is a huge responsibility and this is where many have problems. That you wear uniformed attire with your spouse doesn’t mean you’re one; oneness is a deliberate decision to become one with your spouse or partner.
Oneness connotes unity, agreement, and it enhances intimacy. Meanwhile, it takes time to be one. You don’t fall in love today and become one tomorrow. You don’t get married today and become one flesh tomorrow. It takes time to be intimate, it takes time to be one.
3. Time
Time is a currency that is used to purchase intimacy if it were to be a commodity. Nothing grows without time, and nothing can be created without time.
The amount of time you’re willing to invest in your relationship determines the depth of intimacy you’re willing to create. You can’t get the result of those who invested so much time into their relationship when you give less attention to yours.
Are you willing to be intimate with your spouse or partner? Be committed to it.
It takes time to bond, and it takes time to be one. You may fall in love at first sight, but you can’t grow in love instantly; it takes time.
Lack of intimacy gives anyone or anything access to your relationship. When there’s no intimacy, it’s easy for anything or anyone to put you two asunder. If God has truly joined you together, do your best not to allow anything to separate you.
