Why is that Adam’s poetic and prophetic lines about who his wife would be in Genesis chapter Two turned out to be the woman whom thou gavest to be with me, she gave me of the tree and I did eat in chapter Three?
Pause. Ponder. Pay attention. The problem many encountered in their marriages is as old as the time marriage was created. Adam blamed his wife, but Eve had no one to blame. But today, spouses blame each other for the ruin of their marriage.
Is marriage a bad institution?
No. But the marriages of a Fallen man and woman or when two regenerate souls marry each other, they can’t have a successful union. Sadly, this thing called marriage has been bastardized and desecrated. Many want to run their marriages the way they want and do whatever they like in it without doing the right things to make it work.
Unfortunately, ignorance has destroyed many marriages, while only a few are kept by wisdom. Meanwhile, the word “marriage” has scared the life out of many singles to the point where many have resolved to be single or become baby mamas and papas. Was that actually what marriage was created for?
Marriage should be a thing of joy, only when you do the right thing, and before that, you must get it right. After much study and reflection on the causes of marital failure, I found out that the foundation of a building does not only determines the strength of the building but its duration; this also applies to marriage. The foundation of your marriage determines its longevity, alongside other factors.
If a house was designed by the best architect in the world, and the structural integrity was properly designed by the best structural engineer with all the fittings and fixtures well planned out, but it is built on a bad foundation, it’s a disaster waiting to happen.
Why do you think most weddings, as grand and elegant as they were, do not live up to a decade?
The problem is that it was laid on a bad foundation. If you won’t have a bad marriage, your foundation matters. And the issue of the foundation has to do with how you met, what brought you together, what binds you together, and the life of the person you’re married to.
Let me break them down into digestible points for you.
1. How did you meet?
As unimportant as it may sound to some, how you met is the first stone you lay in your marital foundation. Some met through matchmaking – either by their pastor, parent, or pals; some met at clubs, during parties, events, or in the church.
A Yoruba adage asserts that a woman whom you meet at a dance party and married will slip away at the glimpse of a better suitor. That’s a simple truth.
Where did you meet him? Where did you meet her?
Your meeting point is important. Even if you met in the church, make no mistake about it that you’d be married to an angel if what brought you together is not right.
2. What brought you together?
There are lots of things that bring two people together for marriage. Things like their personality impression, physical appearance, financial status, social worth, material possession, spiritual charisma, or some mundane things like love at first sight, lust, infatuation, pregnancy-induced marriage, or “arranged marriage” brought some people together.
Just as a house built on sand can’t weather the storm, if what brought you together isn’t genuine, your marriage won’t stand the test of time.
At times, love may not be enough to bring you together, love without the fear of God would cheat or abuse you when the opportunity comes. It takes a mutual conviction from God, divine purpose, and the fear of God, coupled with an unalloyed resolve to stay faithful to each other to come together for marriage.
However, coming together isn’t enough…
3. What binds you together?
This is crucial.
The Preacher asserts in his Ecclesiastical writing that a three-fold cord is not easily broken, and that’s true, provided an important force to reckon with was included in the bond.
Pregnancy doesn’t bind a man and his wife together. We have cases of men who cheat on their pregnant wives, and promiscuous wives exist too.
Having children or wedding rings does not bind, what binds couples together is their love for God, determination, and purpose. Many are only staying in their marriage because of their children, or because of what people would say. They’re no longer connected.
If you’re single reading this, I congratulate you. Check your foundation properly. If your marital foundation is destroyed, the repair is possible, but it’s not as easy as you’d expect. Pay the price to get it right. Don’t build your marriage on mundane things so that it would stand the test of time and you’d enjoy it.
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