Why do some people, after going through some bouts of failure, rejection, heartbreak, or setback, end up taking their lives? Do you know why?
Forgiveness is dual faceted. It’s something you give to those who offend you, and you also offer yourself to have been involved in that situation. The difference between Judas Iscariot and Simon Peter is that one wept for his failure, and moved on; while the other was deeply sorrowful, but couldn’t forgive himself.
Judas must have hated himself after he had betrayed Jesus. Because of the guilt and condemnation, he couldn’t forgive himself, he took his life; whereas, Peter let go.
There are situations in life where it would be necessary for you to forgive yourself. Many who don’t know how to do this could not let go of the hook of unforgiveness from their neck. However, every time they remembered their past, they hated and blamed themselves the more.
Forgiveness is letting go – of the person who caused you the pain (offender), and also of the blame you adjudged yourself. Most times, it is both difficult to forgive yourself, and the person who offended you. However, no matter how hard it is, you just have to do it.
Failure is part of life’s package; some we live with, while some we overcome.
How do I forgive myself?
1. Quit self-pity
It’s easy to wallow in self-pity or trade blame games when you’re the one who made the mistake, but doing that won’t help either. If the prodigal boy had done that, he would have ended his life in abject poverty, and die in a famine.
He didn’t blame himself to have become frugal in spending, rather, he considered it to be his past and moved on. You can’t forge ahead in life when you trudge in the quagmire of self-pity.
Whatever mistake you’ve made that has put you in whatever mess you found yourself in your past; move beyond it because there are better days ahead.
You can blame yourself if you want to, but do it once and move on. If you keep doing it, forgiving yourself would be an impossible effort. Remember, self-pity would only increase your sorrow, come out of it.
2. Make a U-turn
This is an important part of forgiving yourself.
The prodigal son made a new turn after he discovered that he had lived a wasted life in the far country he traveled to. Rather than waste his life there, he repented and took the right decision.
It would be vital to start all over if need be than to patch something that won’t be repaired. That you were pregnant outside wedlock doesn’t mean you should be married to that person. That you impregnated a lady doesn’t mean you should be married to her.
It’s a mistake, forgive yourself, do the needful and move on.
The best way to correct a mistake is not to dwell on it or allow it to determine the next phase of your life. Throw away the garment of self-pity, and make a u-turn to the right place you should be heading to in life.
3. Let God
Time, they say heals; but truth be told, time can only heal when God is involved. Time won’t heal an emotional wound when you haven’t embraced the divine for forgiveness.
If you want to forgive yourself, or your offender, then you have to let God into the situation to help you. Most times, forgiveness is not something you can offer based on your human strength, you need His grace.
This is why the saying is true that to err is human, but to forgive is divine. When God’s involved, it would be possible for you to let go and move on; but if He’s not, it would be a difficult thing to do.
4. Move on
You can’t forge ahead in life when you’re fixated on what made you fall. You can never make progress in life when you fail to move on past your mistakes.
Moving on is a decisive step. The prodigal son, without minding the shameful welcome that would greet him when he returned home, move away from his state of misery to the place where a ray of hope would beam on him.
Trust me, no one ever fails for moving on in life. Those who remain failures are those who choose to remain stagnant at the point where they fell.
Apostle Paul said he forgot those things that are behind, and he reach forth to those things which are before. If you don’t forget the pain, you can’t forgive yourself. And if you don’t do that, it would be difficult for you to move on in life.
Have you ever been involved in a situation where it’s hard to forgive yourself because of what has happened to you? Quit the pity party. Make a U-turn. Let God. Move on. If these are difficult, ask God to help you.
You can never quantify the joy that would well up on your inside when you forgive yourself and those who offend you. Let go. Let God.