Do you truly love your wife or husband? Do you love that man or woman you claim to give you butterfly rumbles in your belly?
Wait until you start living under the same roof for 5, 10, 15, or 20 years. If that love doesn’t fail, then you are truly in love. But if it does not stand the test of time, then you were never in love.
Many marriages don’t make it to 5 years before they fail, and you’d begin to wonder if they were in love. How can you be in love and cheat on your spouse, abuse them, or do things that would make them regret marrying you?
See, the love that intoxicates singles when they’re courting is different from the love that binds married couples together. One is romantic, while the other is reality.
It is good to be romantic, but love is more significant than romance. You may be romantic but not in love, and you can also express love and be romantic. Meanwhile, the love that sustains marriage is more than romance.
What is love? How can it be expressed?
There have been lots of misconceptions about love. To some, love is only when they have sex with you, and that’s Eros’ love. The love between two friends who share an intimate and non-intimate relationship is called Phileo. However, the storge kind of love is that which exists between parents and their children.
All these kinds of love are selfish; if you subject your marriage to them, it will crumble. The only kind of love that will never fail in marriage is Agape love. Do you know why?
It was this kind of love that God expressed to mankind. Because you and I were undeserving of it, He gave us His only begotten son. God’s downward expression of love was done by giving. This giving was unconditional, sacrificial, and selfless.
In marriage, husbands are commanded to love their wives as Christ loved the Church. And wives were told to submit to their husbands as to the Lord. When you lack the understanding and the capacity to express this kind of love, it will take a toll on your marriage.
Agape love is more than feelings, chemistry, or physical attraction. To commit your life to a person in marriage, you must have a conviction that is mutual and divine. All these “I love you, I like you,” “Love at first sight,” and “Mutual feelings” may not withstand the happenstance of life in marriage.
What are you ready to give or give up to demonstrate love or submission? It’s easy for some women to submit to their bosses or religious leaders but not to their spouses. And it’s easy for some men to love their family members or outsiders, but not their wives. Why is this so?
Many do not know what love is, or perhaps, they have the wrong understanding of love. You can’t give what you don’t have. And this is true about love. The only love that can withstand marriage’s challenges and demands is Agape love. This is love in deed and truth.
Marriage will test whether you are truly in love or if it was lust you had. The love that would see everything about you – the beautiful, bad, and ugly – and would remain selfless, unconditional, and sacrificial is true love indeed.
Marriage will test if your love is tied to money, gifts, appearance, or swag. And all these put together won’t stand the test of time.
Will you love him when the chips are down? Will you love her when she doesn’t do what you want when you want it? Will he still be your Prince Charming when he no longer looks charming? Will she still have that sweet-sixteen look when she answers the call of motherhood?
When love is absent, endurance and tolerance become the sustaining force in a marriage, but when love is present, you’d cherish and nourish each other.
Remember, without Agape (true) love, everything else becomes impossible to do in marriage.
Prepare yourself for all that marriage will test, especially love, so you can build the capacity to scale through when it comes.
