Let me tell you this first, 50% of your marital success is achieved when you marry the right person that you’re both sure God intends that you two should be together as husband and wife.
If you marry the wrong person, it’ll take you more effort to make the wrong person right. In short, it might be an impossible endeavor to do so.
Marriage is far more than what many people think it is. It’s deeper than how it’s been painted in movies or soap operas and your marriage can’t be successful if you depend on worldly or cultural principles to administer it.
Permit me to share with you some of those things you need to know about marriage.
1. No one will ever tell you that marriage requires hard work and a fight
And are you surprised to hear that?
You must work hard to make your marriage work and you must fight some forces that may want to destroy the peace in it. A woman is to work hard to take care of her husband, the children, the house and attend to her purpose in life. Do you think that’s cheap?
A man must work hard to love his wife amidst several rivals, put food on the table, meet his obligation as a man both to his family and generation. Marriage isn’t child’s play, don’t go there until you know you’re ready, not when you feel or think.
And why do you have to fight?
Fight to keep the wine in your marriage fresh, especially if you’re a Christian. The devil is mostly behind all marital disharmony when he knows that yours would make an impact as a Christian but you might never know this.
He’s the reason behind unforgiveness, strife, nagging, lust, sexual perversion, and so on. You might call that a habit, yes, you’re right because those are the works of the flesh he sponsors. He’s that little voice that wants you to divorce or maltreat your spouse.
You must fight these forces in the place of prayer rather than complain, attack your spouse, or opt-out. Don’t be a stranger in the place of prayer because many battles are best won there.
2. The only perfect model for a successful marriage as a Christian is to understand Christ’s relationship with the church
Marriage is unique and no two marriages are the same. Mind you, there’s no general formula that can make your marriage successful other than the Creator’s model.
Don’t let anyone be your role model in marriage, let Christ and His relationship with the church be your model. Humans are not perfect but Christ’s marriage to the church is the perfect model. You can learn from others, but cross-check what you’re learning if it correlates with scriptural truths.
Christ carefully chooses the church, loves her, gave Himself for her, sanctifies and cleanses her with the Word.
These are the same things the man ought to do to his wife. And the wife must subject herself to her husband in everything as to the Lord. If she’s not ready to respect you unconditionally and in all things, reconsider the proposal and you must be ready to love her as Christ loved the church.
3. Understanding is an indispensable key to marital success
Have you heard the scripture that says in all your getting get understanding? Why is this so? Understanding is a wellspring of life to those who have it. It makes you know how to relate with your spouse in the high and low moments.
Without understanding, you can’t be patient, loving, forgiving, respectful, submissive, and dwell with each other in knowledge. The major cause of all misunderstanding or disagreement that leads to a crack in many marriages is lack of understanding.
Spiritual understanding enhances your level of discernment in addressing life’s issues. Jesus was able to rebuke the devil and not Peter when he tried to talk him out of going to the cross. You need it to know how to handle issues behind your spouse’s actions and inactions.
It is a lack of understanding to always want to be right, or refuse to say, “I’m sorry” when it doesn’t cost you anything to say it, or when it would make peace to reign.
4. Marriage is more than having sex, making babies, or living together as couples, there’s a purpose to fulfill
If all you think about marriage is to have legal and godly access to sex, make babies, and live as Mr. and Mrs., then you’ve misunderstood the purpose of why God created it.
If you as well go into marriage with that mindset, your marriage won’t have any impact in the world, likewise your existence on earth.
God had something significant in mind when He created a help meet for Adam. He created marriage for a purpose for which Adam and his wife must fulfill – have dominion over all that He created.
You need to go into marriage with the mindset of fulfilling the purpose why God created you. However, who you marry can either make or mar your divine purpose. You need to carefully, prayerfully, and patiently choose the right person so your destiny won’t be grounded in marriage.
5. Marriage is deep and it’s without challenges
If you ever think that marriage is all about the Romeo and Juliet display of affection, you’re wrong. Marriage is deep in the sense that you can’t know much about it until you get in there.
How would you cope when your spouse denies you sex for reasons best known to them? How would you survive it when your wife claims to be more spiritual than sexual in marriage, hereby having no time for intimacy?
See, there are no marriages without their challenges, but when they come, how do you intend to face it? Some of the challenges could be infertility, financial or spiritual issues? This is not to scare you but to prepare you for the eventuality of life.
Prepare yourself to face the challenges and the realities of marriage, it is only then that you can survive in it.
Nothing makes marriage hard other than love. Do you have the capacity to make your marriage work, love your spouse when they seem unlovable, and fight those things you need to fight without making your spouse your enemy? Will you model Christ’s model marriage in yours? Are you going into marriage to fulfill His purpose, or you’re going in there for pleasure?
Think about these things before you venture into marriage.