It is not enough to know what to say or say something that comes to mind, conversation in relationships is beyond talking and listening. However, it is important to learn how to communicate and do so effectively.
One thing you need to understand about communication is that it can either make or mar your relationship. The way you talk can bring you closer or farther away from your spouse. It can either make your spouse happy or sad, hurt or heal, angry or calm.
Everyone can talk, we do not have to learn that, but not everyone understands the nitty-gritty of effective communication, which has to be learned.
You learn communication, not by talking to your spouse the way you want, it is learned when you express yourself clearly without unsettling the emotional state of your spouse or partner.
Whether in a biological, spousal, friendship, or workplace relationship, you need to learn how to talk because effective communication needs mastery. It is not always when you have something to say that you say it, you should learn how to say what you want to say the right way, time, and at the right place.
Meanwhile, you need to bear these things in mind about communication in your relationship.
1. Tone
Just as a piano player understands tone and tonality when he plays, everyone needs to master their tone when they talk. With a soft touch on the white keys, he can evoke a soothing emotion, and with a forceful press, he can arouse the tension of his audience.
Yorubas would say that “Sorry” has both negative and positive effects, and that’s true.
What tone do you use to express yourself when you’re angry? It is better not to talk when you’re angry because you can’t retract your words or remedy the damage when you have uttered them.
Watch your tone. Don’t shout or yell at people when you talk; never talk when you’re angry.
2. Environment
A fish would adapt and survive in an aquatic habitat, but if you take it out, you’d destroy it. Some words are best said in private, while some are never to be discussed in the public. A bedroom is a place for intimate matters, and some issues are better said at home than amid the crowd.
No matter how pressing an issue is, watch if the environment is conducive for such discussion or not. If the matter is urgent and the environment isn’t conducive, you can hold your peace and discuss it when you get to a better place.
If the matter cannot wait, then quietly express yourself, but ensure it doesn’t affect your partner’s mood.
3. Mood
Similar to the tone is your mood.
The way humans talk when they’re angry is different from the way they sound when they’re happy. As with the tone, the effect of your mood on your words can either create tension or truce.
Anger can destroy both in words and in deed, likewise excitement. Don’t speak when you’re angry, and watch what you say when you’re so excited. Many have uttered damaging words they never meant out of anger, and they have been unable to mend the effect of their words.
To master effective communication, you need to keep in mind that your mood affects what you say, and never say anything that would affect your partner’s mood. However, communication, when it is properly done can enhance emotional intimacy in your relationship.
Don’t just talk because you have something to say, watch your tone. Even if the tone is right, ensure the environment is conducive to hold such conversation. And if it’s right, check your mood.
Don’t raise an important discussion when you or your partner is angry, or they’re moody. One of the signs of respect is learning how to talk to people regardless of your mood or theirs.
Remember, there are important things that should guide you whenever you talk to people or your spouse. Watch your tone, check if the environment and your mood (or theirs) are right. Your words can heal or kill; speak life.
© Oluwamayowa Adeniyi 2021
