Who to Marry: How to Find (Be Found)

Read Time: 6 mins

It is one thing to find a spouse, it’s another thing to be found by the right person. It takes a man to find a wife, and it was nowhere written in the scripture that a woman should find a husband.

You may not agree with this, but it is the truth.

In your quest to find who to marry, there are two options available to you: you can either find or be found using your common sense, or you adopt godly wisdom.

In God’s kingdom, a lady does not find a husband to marry her, He positions her to be found.

One thing you should know about finding who to marry is that for those who adopt godly wisdom, God won’t leave you unguided. He’d give you a clue about the right person He’s leading you to, or leading to you.

But if you choose common sense above godly wisdom, the likes of TDH and those superficial preferences would catch your fancy, and you’d end up frustrated in the process.

Meanwhile, as a man, you can find any woman you like and marry her, but if you want God to guide you, He’ll give you His best when you involve Him.

And contrary to popular belief that many holds, it is a man’s duty to find a woman, but it is a woman’s duty to allow God to position her to be found by the right man He must have revealed to her.

My dear, Rebecca didn’t find Isaac. Ruth never went looking for Boaz to woo him. By divine arrangement, she went to glean corn in his field. After, she later knew he was her kinsman, and she obeyed the instructions Naomi gave her. 

Do not admit the erroneous teaching that Ruth found Boaz. Those who preach such fallacy do not understand scriptural truths. Read your Bible with an open mind and allow the Holy Spirit to breathe in the scripture you read.

How do I find as a man?

Learn from Adam, Isaac, and Jesus.

1. Adam knew God’s purpose for his life and he was busy fulfilling it.

2. He slept. He wasn’t dating or looking at every animal he named hoping one would be his helpmeet. Sleep connotes rest.

My brother, I know that age isn’t on your side, but rest. When you are at rest, God will be at work to bring the right woman into your life. But when you’re “awake” He will fold His hands while you do the finding.

Do you remember the story of Isaac? A full-grown 40-year-old man bequeathed the responsibility of finding a wife to his father. Don’t you think he would have his taste and specs in a woman? Well, he left that to his father’s decision.

My brother, if you want God to guide you on who to marry, rest.

3. Rest isn’t a period of dormancy, but the moment where you’re working while waiting.

While resting, fulfill your divine purpose, build capacity, and be mature in all areas. When Adam was asleep, He had the cognitive ability to discern who his wife was. This is why when he was awake, with so much conviction and audacity, he said, “This is the bone of my bones and the flesh of my flesh.”

Can I let you in on a truth brother?

It is when you’re resting that God would reveal the details of who you are to marry to you so that in His appointed time, He’d bring you two together.

But when you’re busy dating Janet or Jennifer, you will stay longer in your bachelorhood.

How can I be found as a lady?

1. Have a godly character

“Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the Lord, she shall be praised” (Proverbs 31:30 KJV)

My dear, no man would find you attractive if your character is repulsive. Your beauty would attract men to you, but your character can either attract or repel them.

Rebecca had the testimony that she comforted Isaac when he lost his mother. Would your life be a comfort to your husband or you’d nag life out of him?

If you need to improve on your character, please cry to God to help you now, before it is too late.

2. Be diligent

Every man finds attractive, ladies who are industrious, especially those who are financially independent. How diligent are you as a lady in your business or in the works of your hands?

Do you think Rebecca would have been found if she was a lazy brat? It was a huge task to draw water from the well for a camel, howbeit ten camels.

It is estimated that a camel can gulp 53 gallons of water in 3 minutes because they can go for weeks without water. That’s about 200 liters. If she was lazy, she would have complained of the stress, but her diligence was rewarded. Read Genesis 24 to learn more.

More so, Ruth, the Moabites lady, had her name in Jesus’ lineage because of her diligence and loyalty (character). But Orphah’s name faded away with history. 

In Bethlehem Judah, she went out to glean corn in a field so that her mother-in-law and herself won’t die of hunger. As fate would have it, it was in the field of Boaz, her near kinsman. In the long run, he married her, not because she wooed him, she acted based on Naomi’s instruction.

My dear, don’t be a sloth, be hardworking in everything your hands find doing.

3. Discover and fulfill your divine purpose

One thing most ladies don’t know is that the knowledge of your divine purpose helps you to know yourself, and to see yourself the way God sees you.

Truth be told, the woman was created for the man, but it was the man that needed a woman in his life. Although, we were created to complement each other.

If you don’t discover your divine purpose, you would abuse the purpose of why God created you. Lots of ladies are victims of an identity crisis because they are ignorant of their true selves.

When you know why God created you, and you’re diligently fulfilling, it would never take too long for Him to position you where the right man would find you.

4. Cultivate your personal relationship with God

This is very important my dear.

Know God for yourself. Don’t let any brother hoodwink you with “God said you’re my wife lyrics.” If God told him, you should also know it.

Don’t just be emotionally drawn to God, be devoted to Him. Knowing God is beyond going to church, or listening to the sermon. In fact, it’s more than reciting Psalms 91 every night before you sleep.

You must cultivate your personal relationship to the point where you can pray, study your Bible, hear His voice accurately, and interpret your dreams personally.

Spend more time to develop your spirit man than you would spend on your physical appearance. The essence of knowing God is to be spiritually intelligent and mature.

My dear, it takes time to know God and it would cost you much. Do not wait until it’s time to marry before you cultivate your personal relationship with God. Start now!

To wrap it up, there’s a finding that comes with the understanding of knowing who to marry based on revelation, or spiritual discernment, and there is a finding that’s done in ignorance. 

If you involve God in your quest, He will guide you to find, or position you to be found; not as unbelievers who do so with superficial clues, but yours would be borne out of revelation.

Permit me to share some real-life stories with you on this matter.

Lady A was a social media influencer who preaches to singles about living godly lives for God and His kingdom. She is passionate and committed to her assignment, yet single. The brother who found her invited her to minister in their church program, she obliged and God confirmed the revelation He had revealed to her concerning him long before then. And today, they’re married with a child.

Brother B had a relationship with God, but on the matter of finding who to marry, he was unrestful. Until God told him to sleep over that matter, he thought every potential lady was the right one. He eventually slept and focused on his divine assignment. One day, he organized a program and invited a lady to minister. Guess what? The invited guest, a young lady, matched the details God gave him about his wife. He prayed and was prayed with by his spiritual leaders. And the rest became history.

If you don’t understand why you’re here, then you don’t have a business looking for who to marry. How can you even know why you’ve been created if you don’t have a personal relationship with God?

Dearly beloved, how healthy is your spiritual life? Are you exercising yourself to godliness or ungodliness? Do you follow BBN to the latter but you can’t understand the current move of God in your life this season?

Cry out to God to help you on this matter.