Intrinsically, men are created to be providers. God provided for Adam all that his wife would need to be comfortable before she stayed with him in the garden. But when a man is unable to provide as much as he wanted, especially financially, or that his wife earns more than his financial ability, he feels threatened.
This is one of the major problems in marriage. Do not blame his insecurity, it’s just a direct response to his inability to provide.
But when a wife happens to be the breadwinner or that God blessed her more than her husband’s financial capacity, this is a volatile area that needs to be addressed with wisdom and prayerfully.
Meanwhile, in this kind of situation, there are two kinds of men:
- Those who feel threatened and act foolishly
- Those who feel threatened and act wisely
Please follow me patiently.
And it is also important to note that women who earn more than their husbands fall into these categories:
- The rich wise woman
- The rich foolish woman
Let’s do a little mathematics, if the rich foolish woman marries a man who acts foolishly because his wife earns more, what do you think the outcome would be?
Chaos, crisis, fights, misunderstanding, foolishness, and several others would be the order in such marriage.
If the man who feels threatened but acts wisely marries the rich wise woman, I’m sure you know the consequence. There will be little or no tussle, but peace, bliss, progress, and success in that kind of marriage.
Now, let’s peep into the scripture to guide our understanding.
A wise woman builds her house, but the foolish woman plucks it down with her own hands (Prov. 14:1).
You can be a wise woman who is either rich or poor. When a rich wise woman marries a man who feels threatened because she earns more, she’d need wisdom and patience to relate with him. Such women would do things without letting their husbands know, this is not wickedness, but wisdom.
Now, let me ask you a question: who do you blame when a marriage is successful? And when it fails, who takes the most of the blame?
You know the answer already.
If you keep throwing money at him and he lavishes it on women and drinks, do you think progress would be made in such marriage? If you disclose your financial position to him, and doing that brings out the beast in him, will you have peace in that marriage?
Recently, I was told the story of a woman who married a pastor. You should know that she’d earn more than him because she is a trained nurse and works in a reputable hospital.
At a point when she disclosed her financial stance to her husband, he avoided some of his obligations at the homefront and she felt neglected. See what she did. She told him they’ve reduced their salary by half due to the economic downturn, and there was peace at home. Can you see the kind of man she married, even a pastor?
Let me digress a little, that you’re married to a pastor doesn’t mean you’re married to an angel. Character is different from calling, and personality isn’t equal to the anointing.
Today, they have their own house, although they live in the parsonage, and have both traveled abroad for vacation, and I’m sure the wife plays an integral part in this.
So, if you’re married to a man who feels threatened and acts foolishly because you earn more, apply wisdom for the sake of peace.
What then should a man do when his wife earns more?
Misbehave? Chicken out? Act foolishly?
Let me share a story to address that.
I heard a man who shared his experience on this matter. He’s a Christian and a disciple of Christ. When he saw that the woman that God was leading him to was richer, he prayed to God to double his salary so he can provide for her. God answered his prayer because he did that with the right motive.
The reason why some men would never or wish to marry richer women is that many of such women would be proud, or they’ll feel intimidated. And from the wisdom of the scripture, wives are told to submit to their husbands.
If you as a man discover that your wife earns more, double your hustle, and if your hustle doesn’t match up with hers, dwell with her according to knowledge. This is very difficult for the carnal or natural man.
If he doesn’t want to misbehave, those whom he seeks advice from could talk him into foolishness.
But if you’re a spiritual man (which I believe you should) it would be easier for you to live with this kind of woman, especially if she’s God-fearing.
Love her, support her, advise her and never feel threatened or intimidated if she earns more. God has only blessed you with that kind of woman as a gift, the onus lies in your ability to manage her.
There’s another woman I know who is “stinkingly” rich, but she married a foolish man, and unfortunately, they have to adopt a child. He’s foolish because he drives her posh cars to Unilag to womanize. This woman is wealthy, but the man she married is an ignoramus – a big one at that. He didn’t change.
Sadly, the wife died a few years ago, and on the day of her funeral, he cried his eyes out.
What do you think would have been the fate of this man if he had acted wisely to dwell in knowledge with the gift of a rich wise woman that God blessed him with? Today, he looks haggard and roams the street if I see him.
Dear man, calm down on your ego and nerves should your wife be blessed to earn more than you. If your hustle can’t surpass hers, ask God for the wisdom to dwell with her according to knowledge. See, she’s God’s gift to you.
Do you know what it means to be a husband, I mean the head? A real man who is the head of his wife is not heady, but humble, he’s not proud but prudent. As a husband, your wife can fall head over heels in love with you when you dwell with her in knowledge and you fill up her emotional tank.
And my dear woman, if you earn more than your husband, be wise and submissive, but don’t be stupid if he happens to be a foolish man.
In conclusion, permit me to wrap this discussion up with a story. In a family I know very well, their first daughter happened to be the first lady I had where we had mutual chemistry. Her mom was more well-to-do than her dad and they both raised their children to the university level. They might have an internal brawl that’s unknown to others, but they’re responsible and respected couples.
The only way to resolve this issue in marriage is through wisdom – godly – understanding and patience. Note that I didn’t just mention communication, as good as it sounds, it can’t change a foolish man or woman in marriage, whose mindset about financial capacity is childish and ridiculous.
Meanwhile, growing up (maturity) is also key in resolving this kind of matter. Prayer would also be of great help, but pray with understanding and apply godly wisdom.
Nevertheless, the best thing is to be married to a mature and godly spouse. A spouse that is mature in handling sexual, financial, emotional, and spiritual issues in marriage, coupled with being godly is a huge blessing.
That a man or woman goes to church doesn’t make them godly. Godliness affects your mindset and shapes your personality. Those who are godly are more God-conscious in their dealings with others, without allowing their human nature to prevail.
May God help every insecure man in marriage to grow up, and grant their wives the wisdom to relate with them.